How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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