Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
