Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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