Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
