and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize