They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have demons in me.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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