i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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