My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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