Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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