i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
