would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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