I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
