After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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