im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
