is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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