You really coming over, don't trick.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
