I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
