I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
