So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
