So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
