My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize