Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
