you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
