This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize