checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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