she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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