she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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