What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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