I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
