let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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