My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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