new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
