he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
