I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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