$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
