i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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