my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
