I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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