Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
