I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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