I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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