Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
