I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
