How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
