Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
two words: eviction party
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
