She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
