hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize