I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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