I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
