Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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