who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
