this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
