Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
