It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
