Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
