After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
