areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
