Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
