SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
