Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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