It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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