I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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