the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
