Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
