I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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