I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
