why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
