Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
